MINDING MY BUSINESS
So it’s a perfect evening, harmattan fought a war and won, we are enjoying the spoils of the battle. At least I can sleep inside my house and mind my business in peace.😁
Or so I thought until Emeka barged into my house again.
Emeka has been on low key since bulldozer pounded him like pounded yam the other day.
“Emeka, what is it this time”
He brought out his phone and showed me a video on IG as his response.
What! It was a guy’s head on fire! On fire!😱
Surprisingly the fire served as a curler and the guy’s head just rearranged like butter spread on agege bread
I blinked thrice and took a deep breathe before I attempted to watch the video again.
“What is this Bros?”
“Professional barber guy, we have to try it”
We what? We gini? Are you okay? Why will Emeka even think of the word we?
“Please rearrange your statement without using the word we“
I humbly requested.
” Guy you to dey fear, okay na only me go run this professional style”
“Professional what? The so called barber just set a nigga’s head on fire”
” Ehen, you didn’t see what the fire did? The guy is a professional man, I need to get this haircut”
Emeka has started again, it’s like he didn’t notice the barber he saw in the video ain’t from Nigeria.
“Where do you want to find this oyinbo barber?”
The smile he gave in response got me thinking.
“Follow me bruh”
Oya I quickly fitted into my jeans and follow Emeka the explorer, today na today.
We got to one tush barbing salon with split Ac at every corner. They don’t even know what customer service is, how can they put on 5 split Air conditioners in this harmattan period! Customers are shivering like toddlers!
Emeka has already shown the barber the video, one look at the barber I already knew he was confused, he was biting his lips logically trying to come up with something.
“15k bros, I’ll do it”
Hmm smart barber, he knows there is no way Emeka would cough out 15k for one hair cut!
“For what? Na gold Dem take do your clipper, Abeg gerrout!”
Emeka is visibly angry so I assumed the mission has been abolished.
“Guy let’s try your barber, I heard the guy is good”
Emeka has not given up. He wants to fire fry his hair by all means.
“My barber?” I was contemplating about it. Barber that I have divorced😒
I don’t like the way he commands my head like it’s one car steering, he is like
“Hey, turn you head, the move here, abeg put your head one place”
And at the end I will pay him and tell him thank you! That nonsense has to stop before this year runs out.
The other day he is telling me his prize has increased to 350 per cut. I asked why and nigga said because no fuel in Nigeria🙄
Anyway I took Emeka there and waited outside, I could see from my observation point that Emeka was about to land one hot slap on the barber, maybe the nigga told him 20k for his fire fry hair cut.
Minutes later Emeka came out, he has been bounced again.
“Emeka, let’s just leave this thing, when you travel abroad you fire your head eh”
I advised but Emeka would not heed to the warning of the spirits, anyway I decided to mind my business.
Well we tried out 5 more barbing salons before we started back home
“Wait, wait… See this one”
It was the new barbing salon in our street. It was extremely exquisite and Emeka was certain he had found promised Land. I have never thought of trying the new salon out because of the name The professional barber The name already sounds like Bode’s lie.
As we entered the guy we met was all tushed up, his swag eh, outstanding.
Emeka was already smiling when he showed the guy the video. The guy was nodding, turning the phone up and down like an inspector.
“Bros sit down, na 5h o”
Emeka turned to me with a smirk, and sat down comfortably.
“You go wait make I call the guy wey go Barb you”
The guy made a curious announcement and made a call
Wait, is it just me or this Camiru is sounding like one aboki name?
Anyway lemme just mind my business from my observation point👀
Oya camiru landed, instantly the bell rang in my 25th ear.
Camiru is a core aboki! And Emeka is still sitting down, opening his brown teeth thinking he has made heaven!🙆♂
Camiru is inspecting the video, Camiru is nodding his head, Camiru says he is a professional barber. Camiru rubs oil on Emeka’s head, Camiru picks up a comb, Camiru picks up a lighter, Camiru ignites the lighter and boom!🔥🔥🔥
Mehn Emeka’s head is on fire. Emeka really didn’t notice there is trouble until Camiru begin to call for his fellow professional barber, Saliu.
“Saliu! Saliu! Kai! Quench am, Quench am”
Before two seconds Emeka as turned to an African dragon that breathes fire from it’s head.
I almost wanted to clap for the show until I realized my nigga is gonna die!
So it’s like Emeka now realize that the way Camiru is slapping his head, it isn’t to perform any black magic style, smoke everywhere,
there is fire on the mountain, run run run run run.
Anyway I visited Emeka in Mama Tabira vitality Clinic the next day, The least I can offer is to be a caring friend who would always mind his business.