So it’s 5am already, myself and Bode must be in Lagos before 2pm!
Lagos, the ancient historical king of Traffic Jam. Long before now a thousand cities have fought over that position but Lagos State has held strong… Kudos Lag, it ain’t easy.
It ain’t easy to change lives and destinies on a main road, I mean so much power given to one City!
So I stayed up at night trying to map out a possible escape strategy, Bode would not even join me to share his ideas, even if it’s dumb, man it’s something, he is snoring so loud, changing from one sleeping position to the other like he is in a shaolin temple fighting some kungfu.
“Bode, wake up na, let’s plan this thing, you know lag and traffic, how do we get there by 2pm”
Bode took a while to stare at me, you know that thoughtful look someone gives you and you are like
‘man this nigga is about to make some sense’
Only for Bode to lie to my face.
“Bruh, I have been going to Lagos on my own since I was 5years old, nothing new bruh, go back to sleep”
I knew the moment I tell him I am aware he just blew some drops of lies on my face, we gonna argue till 3pm the next day.
So I had to map it out. We get ready 5pm, get the first bus going to Lagos and we done, case solved! I slept happily only for Bode to be snoring at 5:20am!
“Bode! I’m gonna shoot you here if you don’t get up”
I got no gun but I was gonna shoot the guy.
“Shoot your best shot bruh, nothing separates me from this sleep, be patient, we would move by 6am”
Anyway we finally moved by 9am and Bode was like
” Relax bruh, I know the way, we are gonna get there by 2pm on the dot, trust me bruh, lag is my carban, like my backyard, I know the nooks and crannies”
Okay sir Bode, the greatest nook and cranny discoverer.
I have accepted the fact that we ain’t gonna make it by 2pm, so let’s just go to a good motor park, get a comfy bus with some good AC, but Bode is like
“Noooo, we getting the road side bruh, you go to the motor park and you will stay there forever! We are gonna get an AC bus here just chill and trust me”
I trusted Bode the nook and cranny discoverer and rushed into a bus that best explained the adage
All that glitters is not gold
With all the shining armor this bus got no damn AC! And before you know we are already loaded like bag of beans, four on one seat!
“Oga on AC for us”
Bode want to form Bruce Lee because my face is now tight and ready to scatter him.
“Which AC, na u buy fuel for me, AC don spoil self”
30 minutes later bus stopped automatically.
“Ahn ahn, what’s popping driver”
One Benin boy begin form Americana
” Na tyre dey popping bros, e don less”
Oh dear lord, I am just going to mind my business, I am boiling so damn hot now, I know if anyone just passes or even stand by me it’s one hot, thunderous slap!
1hour later the water in the bus got exhausted🤦♂, oya niggas hurried to buy sachet water to refill our shinning armor bus.
30minutes later the clutch is not working properly. Oh Bode is seriously not talking to me, Bode is surprisingly minding his business, he knows what’s gonna happen the moment he opens his mouth.
Finally, we get to lag by 7pm!
“Mile 2! Mile 2!”
Mehn the conductors are already jumping down from the bus like commandos even before the bus got to the bus stop.
So me and Bode wanna get in the bus but we are shocked to the bone marrow that even before the bus stop all passengers are safely complete in the bus that was just empty seconds ago! Even the attachment is occupied by kindergartens, someone is even begging to just hang on the bus! Another is saying he can manage the boot!
What’s happening here? Four more buses come our way and we begin to realize that the niggas here have got no chill mehn, we better do some black magic here.
So the fifth bus is coming and we have communicated in the spirit that for this bus
We die here!
Heads must roll, men must fall, niggas must be sacrificed cos this bus we must enter.
“Bode hold your bag and your pocket well o”
I tried to advice as we prepared for war of Armageddon. But Bode told me to mind my business, Bode told me to mind my business!🙆♂
“I am not new to Lag bruh, mind your business and get into the bus, follow my lead”
We ain’t got any muscle as we aspire to get but we fight like our lives depend on it.
Well Lag lived up to it’s reputation, we got to our destination by 11pm and people were even telling us we were lucky; Lucky at 11pm!
My head is spinning, I am even hearing words reverberate in my ears. I went to cool off and was trying to get some sleep when bode rushed into my room!
“Where is my phone? I can’t find my phone! Bruh I put my hands in my pocket and I found this carton! My phone is gone! “
His eyes are red, he is panting like he had been in a marathon race. I must confess whoever the made the carton is damn creative, the nigga even drew phone buttons and some funny cartoons on the carton, what for? To make a call perhaps.
Anyway, I went straight to sleep after I told him I want to continue minding my business as he had advice earlier, after all, he is the king of all the nooks and crannies of Oga Lagos. How can he lose his phone in a city he has been scavenging since he was 5years of age?🤷♂
What do I know, I am not a scavenger, I am just minding my business