So it’s Saturday and I have decided to strictly mind my business, I can’t be bribed today, no way! It ain’t gonna happen.
I try so much to stay indoor but the people that have changed their name for countless times (NEPA, PHCN, BEDC, EEDC etc); well, they can’t deceive us, na NEPA we know; those niggas won’t let me have peace inside my own house, am sweating profusely, I am pacing to and fro with my hands on my head.
‘Ori mi o’ I am about to die here.🙆♂
So I ran outside to receive Felicia (fresh air) when this Dude came again.
“Bruh, dress up we going out”
This is suspicious, I don’t want what happened in 1961 to happen again so I refused and continued to mine my business.
“See I just saw a massive eatery, they just open am guy, and guess what? Their food is cheap, Asin very cheap, guy make we go”
Sounds mouth watery but I heard in my 24th ear again that this is an impending trouble, I should mine my business. So I shook my head again and continued minding my business.
“Guy I ate pounded yam and egusi soup with one big bush meat for just 500naira”
My ears rang like primary school bell. What! Did he just say 500naira? In this country’s next level of change?
The offer is too tempting to refuse so I scoop 500naira into my pocket and followed to the eatery.
I began to imagine the wrap of pounded yam, oh I am sweating already, today na today!
So I entered the eatery with confidence, Oh my God, the air conditioner is speaking love words to me, I was almost swept off my feet until they began to play this Fela Song
“Wahala you dey fine, wahala you go get eyoo”
Ah! Something is fishy here, my brain began to reboot.
Even the way the waiter is dressed like African Jackie Chan and talking like yoruba oyinbo eh, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm🤔
So my brain is recalculating now, can this 500naira really be true?
“Give me pounded yam with egusi soup and emm one big bush meat!”
Relax, It was the nigga making his order. I quietly ordered for bottle water first. He is asking why I am not eating I just tell him I want to wash down the hunger before I make my order.
So we are discussing about life as the AC is helping our conversation become thick like presidential senators meeting. Soon my bill arrives first.
Ahn ahn, I saw 500naira as my bill so I quickly call the African Jackie Chan. It must be a mistake since it’s the pounded yam that is 500naira.
“Pls this is not my bill, I only drank water, I believe this bill is for my friend”
The Jackie Chan is now frowning one kind of frown like that before he dropped the bombshell.
“Sir that is your bill, water is 500 naira here!”
Boom! The bombshell exploded in our ears. What just happened? the bush meat in bros mouth stood in one position, he is no longer chewing, infact the meat fell back to the plate by default.
“Sorry pls I heard pounded yam, egusi soup and bush meat is 500 naira here”
The nigga asked. What? You heard? I thought this bros said he already ate pounded yam for 500naira here. I could see his eyes would fall out anytime soon.
“No sir, where you get it that cheap is opposite this eatery”
The waiter pointed to the eatery opposite us.
“Here we sell 5500naira”
The AC is still blowing hard but nigga has broken out in hot sweat, he said more than 500 words in two minutes, I never knew him as a stammerer; Infact, we always call him the bold and courageous.
African Jackie Chan is already rolling up his sleeves for a combat, it’s going to be war mehn. Should we run? I thought, no o, this Jackie Chan looks like someone that can break bones.
So just like a good citizen who is planning to help the government look for the 2020 budget, I Jejely drank up my water and settled my 500 bill.
I ensured I took the 500naira water bottle with me, that water bottle would serve me till Jesus comes!
With my heart full of gratitude, I humbly thanked the Bros for his patronage and headed to my abode to write my exams in the minding my business course.
Pray for me guys, I need to pass this exam
What do I know? I am just minding my business…