Why did it take me a while to tell this story, it’s supposed to be posted immediately after Christmas right? Well, we just got back from the hospital! What Happened? Follow closely👀
So it’s Emeka again, Emeka survived the fire blast, we are giving glory to God for his mercy upon Emeka’s life when our landlord called for us.
His oyinbo wife just came in from the states, so we’re supposed to pay homage or what? 🤷♂
I wanted to escape but Emeka being Emeka won’t let me mind my business inside my house.
So we entered the exquisite sitting room that is jammed packed with Air conditioners at different corner. We now understood why our landlord was on five sweaters and one pullover jacket.
“Sorry for the AC, my wife likes it cold, she says Nigeria is too hot”
We are nodding our head like we are very understanding, but deep down we want to first slap the landlord, set fire on all the Air conditioners, and walk out of the house like Jet Li in his prime. But instead, we sit shivering like we’re about to be fried in hot soup.
Our landlord won’t stop talking about his beautiful wife who was already preparing Christmas rice in the kitchen, the talk is now too much that it’s becoming an excruciating pain in my ears, can this man just shut up!🤦♂
We can’t wait to see the oyinbo he calls his angel.
Finally the oyinbo appears and she is looking like white witch!😒
So she begins to talk but we know she is rapping, cos we can’t hear a word she is saying. We’re just nodding our head like agama lizards. The only thing we heard was
“food is ready, you guys just hold in there alright”
I wondered how we were able to hear that part, maybe because the “food is ready” came first, so at the entrance of that statement, every other word became clear. Never doubt the power of food, scientist proved it’s better than 90years of marriage.
She disappears and appear with one sacrifice she calls food. I swallowed my saliva countless times.
“What food is this ma?”👀
I asked innocently, this food looks like an armed poison, sent from the darkest side of doom, aimed at gifting free tickets to hell!
“Oh it’s rice prawns”
Rice gini? 😕
Emeka is smiling, my landlord is smiling, they are smiling at the sight of rice prawns!
What’s going on here? All I saw was white rice, unknown and suspicious looking leaves, uncooked crayfish and visible bits of Maggi cubes all over the rice.
“You can trust my wife on this one, she can cook”
My landlord says but this man is suffering in silence, is smile is looking like cry. Something like cry-smile. I can’t even tell if the man is laughing or crying, he is sweating, he is sweating! Under the influence of this Air conditioners stationed at every corner, the old man is sweating, red alert!🔥
The oyinbo is standing close so there is no option that says
“Throw this food outta the window”
I quickly whispered to Emeka not to eat the food.
“Don’t worry, disease no dey kill African man”
Emeka replied me with confidence. Oh, I minded my business straight up.
After much grammar, I was able to convince the oyinbo to lemme take my own food home. Emeka has emptied his plate.
We thanked our landlord for his profound love to enlist us in his Christmas celebration with rice prawns.
Few metres to my house Emeka suddenly stops. I knew it has begun.
“I feel prawns walking in my stomach bruh”
Suddenly Emeka pulled off his shirt, pulled off his trousers! Pulled off his boxers! And began to dash through the windows and doors of every tenant’s apartment like the flash.🙆♂
Turns out oyinbo’s rice prawns is working like an inspired cocaine. I got the Emeka’s point now, since “disease no dey kill African man” disease would make African man MAD O.
Anyway we just got back from the hospital yesterday.
I give glory to God for a lovely Christmas celebration, if not for anything, at least I was saved from rice prawns.
What do I know? I simply mind my business🤷♂