Love is a decision, not a feeling

Feelings will always change,i have not seen anyone who feels the same way 24/7.

Love is such a beautiful thing. It’s the very essence of our existence. Our lives would have no real meaning or significance if we do not know love. That’s why it’s important to be clear on what love really is, in order to avoid wrong notions or beliefs about it.
Many people tend to see love as a mere feeling. They think they’re in love when they feel a certain way about another person. They end up falling in love with that person simply based on those good feelings. However, as they get know the person better and see the different sides of that person, that feeling begins to change.

At this point the love begins to wane. You are no more feeling the same way you used to feel about him or her and soon you gradually fall out of that love. But is love actually meant to begin and end just like that simply because your feelings about your partner changed? Of course not.

Lasting couples who are really in love also experience good and bad times. They’re not always happy about what their partner may do or have done at some point. But you know what keeps them going? Their remembrance of their decision to love their respective partners. Their vows and why they fell in love in the first place.

This brings me to this definition of love which I first heard from a speaker, Demola: “Love is a decision to be overwhelmingly concerned about the well-being, welfare and happiness of another individual.”

This definition sums it up. You should be in love, not just solely based on your feelings, but because you find the other person worth loving and you decide to love this person beyond the feelings.

Feelings will always change. I’ve not seen anyone who feels the same way 24/7. Feelings are subject to change and basing your love on those feelings would mean that your love would only last as long as the good feelings last.

If we love this way, we will only be jumping in and out of relationships, trying to find that non existing individual who will keep us feeling happy every time. It’s a pipe dream and self deception. You will keep running around circles.

Our love should be borne out of an honest decision which comes from our hearts, looks beyond the imperfections of another and sees the best version of that person at all times irrespective of how they may make you feel.

Think about it.. We love our parents even though they were not so perfect. They made us feel good sometimes and agreed with us. At other times, they disagreed with us and refused to yield to our demands, not because they didn’t love us, but so that we may learn something.

Some of us get angry at parents or siblings sometimes. It never stops us from loving them or still caring about them even though we may be unhappy with their actions once in a while. That’s how true love should be.

Now, I’m not saying you tolerate anyone who abuses you or keeps on bringing you down in the name of love. Indeed, some relationships can get really ugly and you don’t need to continue trying too hard to please the other.

However, in many cases, we tend to just stop loving our partners because of a little disagreement or maybe a side of them that we don’t like. Which of you is perfect? And which of you is beyond error? The answer is none. You must understand that you also have a part of you which they themselves may not like.

The important thing is to try and help them become better based on that decision you’ve made to love them. Don’t judge them immediately as bad people because you were not happy about the way they made you feel. Try to still love them and with open communication let them know what you think about an attitude you may find unpleasant.

That’s the way to love. You love based on your decision not on your feelings. Feelings come and go, but strong decisions stick with us for a much longer time. No one is perfect. Be tolerant, but still communicate your feelings.

What’s your thought on this?

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About Onyeneke Abel

I am a writer, freelancer, ghostwriter, content developer. Okay hold on and think of any thing that has to do with a pen and paper. Yeah hold on. That's me in your thoughts. I am anything that has to do with a pen and paper!

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